Pandora~Mare~Native {WIP}

[rii]

Character Name: Pandora d'Etoile (Pan)
Pronounced: pahn-DOR-ah d-eh-TWAH (PAHN)
Gender: Mare
Age: 3

Appearance: Pan is narrowly classified as a blue roan, since the black covering her face and legs gives way to a dark steel gray on her back and torso. Being young, her muscles still have not reached their peak, and her legs and neck still appear too long for her body. Her face delicately tapers to a small muzzle, and her brown eyes are large and expressive. A scar runs down the front of her face, zigzagging down from the base of her right ear to finish at the lone white mark on her body, the snip above her left nostril. Her mane and forelock are thick and roam waywardly across her face and her eyes, and Pan regularly looks windblown because of it.

Personality: The first thing that most others notice about Pan is her boundless energy. Even though she is regarded as a three-year-old, she was born in late summer and, accordingly, is around 7 months younger than most others in her year. She is used to being treated like a youngster, and still holds on to her foalish and often naive notions of romance and happily ever afters. Because of this, she is easily hurt and often childish in demeanor, and comes across as quite annoying to some. Pan is not thought of as being intelligent, and she sees herself as far from it, but she is often the one who asks the questions that lead to the truth - not the speaker of the truth themself. She is, of course, curious, although not excessively so - she is as apathetic and even coldly dismissive when it comes to certain topics (mainly war and politics). In time, she promises to become an elegant and influential mare - if she ever settles down, that is.

RP Sample:

Pandora planted her small feet apart, blowing a puff of air through her nostrils in a show of defiance that no one could possibly take seriously. "Rial! Rialan! You can't do this!" she shouted to the broad back of her sister. The larger horse stopped, turning her imposing head around to face Pandora.

"So stop me," she hissed, pinning her ears back and moving on. Pan snorted again, and after a moment's hesitation, took up a canter and soon caught up with her older sister.

"Rialan... you don't know what they'll do to you. Just because you might be one of them - halfway, at least - doesn't mean that they won't treat you like- like--" she stuttered, unable to bring up the understandably sensitive topic of Rialan's conception.

Rialan stopped, her forelock covering her eyes. "I don't. I have no idea about any of this - but I do know that it will be better than what I've got here. Let me go, Pandora."

They stood side by side for a moment longer, and then Rialan's temporary moment of civility left her. "Get out of here!" she yelled, either apathetic or oblivious to the obvious hurt on her younger sister's face. "I don't want you anymore!"

Pan wheeled on her hind feet awkwardly, tripped and recovered herself, and fled from her sister as per command. The last time she hadn't followed Rialan's orders - well, the scar was plainly displayed on her face for all to see.

Other:The sisters' mother had been taken captive by humans sometime during the war, and was seen as a suitable broodmare to produce fighting colts, but her first foal, the filly Rialan, was judged to be too small - 'merely' 15.2 hh - and far too crazy to ever be used as a War horse. When faced with a battle, she could no longer tell the difference between friend and foe, and she found she liked the way humans felt beneath her hooves. She was a danger to all involved, and she and the mare that had birthed her were condemned. Their mother was placed in a corral with several other rejected Native horses, and immediately fell madly in love with one of the stallions. The result was Pandora.

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[`` OWNER]

Pending.

I like the application, not much in the way of flaws. Her personality seems to the lack the nessecary negative aspects of your character, unless I am just missing it as they have been cleverly concealed. If so, please point them out. Otherwise, perhaps go more in depth about how her youth and mild immaturity effects her.

she yelled, either apathetic or oblivious to the tears in her younger sister's eyes

Horses cannot cry - period.

I'm also a little insecure about her history. Although Cappadocia is 6 months into the final departure of man and their war, unless Pandora was actually born from an already existing character from War and Native horses on Cappadocia, I don't think I can permit her history. None of the war horsre escape until recently, as I'm hoping you know, and have all returned here. All other war horses remain controlled by the humans still, far away fighting wars. There for, no war horses could take any mare captive because the only War herds that exist reside right here in Cappadocia. It makes the happenings with your characters mother, sister and your own character impossible.

Now, Pandora being a product of rape is not all together impossible. With the information I've given you, however, you need to figure out some sort of different history. Any questions, don't be afraid to ask.

[rii]

As for the flaws: I'll get on it ASAP

As for the tears thing: I have seen it accepted, and wasn't sure on your views. Information processed and stored for future reference =3

As for the History: It was rather loose and on the spot, and I wasn't quite clear on the time frame.
Thanks for the critiques ^^

[`` OWNER]

Pending.

All is good, but I had discussed with you before the situation of Pandora's sister and the reasoning behind her not being a suitable War Horse.

the filly Rialan, was judged to be far too wild to ever be used as a War horse.

The humans would have no problem with a wild mare - it is preferred. As I had mentioned before on the CBOX, perhaps say that Rialan was initially too short to be a War Horse (most are at least 16 hands) but man thought she'd be a good War Horse anyways. However, Rialan failed to know the difference between an enemy horse and her rider. You said that when Rialan got into fighting mode she went out of control anyways, so the fact that she blindly attacked her handlers would be a good reason why man released her, and goes along with her being wild.

Fix that and you are good to go.

[`` OWNER]

Accepted.