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Post by `` OWNER on Oct 31, 2009 12:57:57 GMT -5
Pending.
I've mentioned to you before about your grammar. Your worst habit is comma splicing, which isn't so uncommon, causing run-on sentences. Your role-playing skills are fine, but it will be hard to break the habit that I know has existed, at least, since you were on FYA.
I request that you re-do your sample post, paying attention to excessive commas and run-on sentences. Read your post outline and see how it sounds; the semi-colon( is your friend, as well as the colon ( and the dash (-)For example:
His nostrils flared, catching in them the scent of countless, some disregarded as useless and unimportant, filtering out until he found the ones he wanted.
Sentence makes no sense what so ever - though I get the idea. 'Some disregarded...' and then you go to 'filtering out...' is sort of mixing up the placement. I cannot even edit this sentence as is.
'His nostrils flared, catching the scents of many and filtering them - disregarding most as useless or unimportant - until he found the one he wanted.'
Just as an example. You have the post typed so in a sense you have a skeleton, you just need to fill it with organs x0 horrible comparison, I know.
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Post by tenalleth on Oct 31, 2009 13:01:08 GMT -5
lol. thanks. I'll think about it-not gonna fix just yet
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Post by `` OWNER on Oct 31, 2009 13:03:09 GMT -5
That's fine, just don't let it sit too long, please.
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Post by tenalleth on Oct 31, 2009 14:18:01 GMT -5
fixed-though I didn't redo it all, I fixed and reread through it.
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Post by `` OWNER on Oct 31, 2009 20:41:58 GMT -5
Accepted.
Big improvement from before. However, never start a sentence with 'And or 'But' or 'Because'. You still have a few sentences with comma splicing, but I think your effort has really shown. |
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Post by shinizel on Nov 1, 2009 13:53:11 GMT -5
thankiful
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is your friend, as well as the colon (
and the dash (-)For example: